The Blue Tornado Death Planet

Alrighty, here we go. Take a seat kids, it's time to do some learning! So space, it's this crazy thing you can see when you look up in the sky. Many people find space boring, (I think those people are dead wrong) many people think space is too vast to comprehend (Ok I’ll let people have that complaint but the first one is completely invalid. Space isn’t boring Jeremy!) and there are some people (Me! Me!) who think space is amazing. So today my little padawans we will be learning about the mysterious and fantastic planet HD 1897 33b (Yes I know it's a terrible name, bear with me people). For the sake of not defenstrating my computer from having to type such a RIDICULOUS name (Seriously who named this freaking planet, I will find whoever named this planet and force them to change it. Mark my words.) I will be affectionately calling it Big Blue. Alright, alright I can see I am losing you guys to the sands of time so let's get down to business, yes? Our new pal Big Blue (Just love that name) is 63 light years away (Howell 2013). So if you were planning on visiting this planet I have to say it probably won’t happen, do I even need to explain why at this point? Its 63 LIGHT years away, we just recently created something faster than the speed of sound. Wake up sheepeople! Light speed is not gonna happen anytime soon so check that dream at the door. I gave the planet the name “Big Blue” for one reason and one reason only; its blue. No I’m serious, no tricks, no sarcasm, its a planet that bright blue to our eyes so I called it “Big Blue”(Loff 2016). At this point you’re probably wondering why on Earth ROBEA is talking about this random blue planet, why should we care, why am I still reading this article, why is there so many hypothetical questions being asked, no seriously why am I still typing questions? Ok I’ll stop. I’m not even gonna bother sugar coating this, you’re all big boys and girls I don’t need to baby you, our lovely beautiful Big Blue is a death planet(Loff 2016). Yes folks a death planet folks, what do you mean by that? (You might be asking but It’s not like I'm in your head or anything…..or am I?). Well it’s exactly what you think it means, its a planet that would bring death upon any living creature that tried to go near it. (Fun I know! We should all go on vacation here!).

This is an artists rendition of Big Blue taken from NASA https://www.nasa.gov/image-feature/rains-of-terror-on-exoplanet-hd-189733b

Ok let's cut the crap, time to put our serious faces on. My lovely Big Blue is ridiculously dangerous and deadly. Lets see here, its location is deadly, its atmosphere is too, and heck even the weather wants to kill you (How lovely!). Now let's get all hypothetical about this! Say you and your ,I don’t know, llama want to go on vacation to the beautiful planet Big Blue. 

(I am not an artist so bear with me here people, I'm doing my best)

And let's also pretend we figured out light speed space travel (I am 100% imagining a llama on the Enterprise from Star Trek right now). The first obstacle you and your llama (let's call him Steve) will encounter isn’t even on the planet. Yes it is Big Blue’s sun that shall kill you first (Steve no!). 

(A Completely accurate rendition on what would happen, trust me I am fluent in MS Paint)

Why would the sun kill us, shouldn’t the planet be far enough away that we won’t die, you ask? Oh you adorable innocent child, let ROBEA educate you. Big Blue is what we in the bis call a planetary daredevil (Howell 2013). (No not that kind of daredevil! Come on people there isn’t a planet riding around on a giant dirt bike). So basically a planetary daredevil is like that clingy ex girlfriend who can’t take the hint and get lost (I am not interested Janet!). This planet gets so close to the sun it risks being pulled into the sun and dying in an epic explosion on a daily basis (Howell 2013). Ok so say you and your llama (Steve) somehow have a ship that can handle the heat of the sun (Which is ridiculous cause come on, the sun is literally right next to the god dang planet but ok I guess). 

STEVE VS SPACE TORNADO!! WHO WILL SURVIVE??
(Spoiler warning: Steve doesn't do too good...) 

Your next challenge would be the wind of all things. Hold onto your hat because the wind on this freaking insanity planet is 5,400 miles per hour, to put that into perspective that is 7 TIMES the speed of sound (Loff 2016). So once you and Steve made it onto the planet you would immediately be swept up into a death tornado, which you know will kill you (Steve why? You were so young! You had your whole life ahead of you, you amazing llama you!). But for the sake of getting to the end of this horrible vacation you survived the winds by some miracle; you would then have to deal with this planet’s main selling point, its rain. For perspective our planet is the equivalent of a sloth, it's pretty chill and calm. Another analogy (I know you guys secretly love my terrible analogies) is that our atmosphere is super thin (our girl is on that Jenny Craig diet) if our planet were the size of an apple the atmosphere would be no thicker than the skin of the apple (Hubble 2018). 

BREAKING NEWS WEATHER UPDATE ON BIG BLUE.

Take a seat for this next bit, you may be quite shocked. The rain is...wait for it...molten glass (Howell 2013). No I did not stutter your eyes read that correctly, this planet has literal glass that rains down from the heavens. Oh did I also mention that since the planet is a death space tornado that the molten glass comes down sideways and is flung around inside the planet like some demonic blender? So yeah while you’re hanging out in the tornado you have glass coming at you as a high speed deadly projectile (Howell). (Big Blue is just such a nice place right?)

R.I.P Steve (Rest in Pieces)
[This lovely visage was created by my roommate Artie, thanks dude!]

Now that I have killed a metaphorical llama named Steve numerous times let's move on to another thing that makes Big Blue a literal nightmare. Like seriously Big Blue is a natural disaster personified as a planet. My pal Big Blue is losing its atmosphere. Its atmosphere is bleeding out into space like a knife wound (Howell 2013). Now I bet the people who are still here (Hey professor! I hope your day is good!) you’re wondering why this is happening. Well there not a profound reason, the planet is so close to the sun and its gravity is such a mess that Big Blue is basically slowly killing itself (Sad, I know). O-K lets go ahem look at something more happy, yeah lets go to that! Big Blue also has planet wide auroras (see everything is fine, let's look at the pretty lights) and this is because the planet is so freaking close to the sun (Howell 2013). Let's do more fun facts yay! Big Blue is similar in size to our very own Jupiter! That’s why daredevils are also called Hot Jupiters (Howell 2013) (The more you know~). But yeah Big Blue needs to calm down with the whole blood and brimstone thing (It's not a phase Mom!).

And here we see the juvenile Big Blue in its natural habitat.  

Let's lay this whole nightmare to rest by forcing you to read a recap of why Big Blue is terrifying (Yay! Fun!). HD 1897 33b (Sorry not sorry for making you read that!) or Big Blue is a psycho death planet that wants to kill you. Everything about this planet wants to kill you (even the pretty lights). Big Blue is a crazy planet that likes to hang out with the equivalent of a serial killer (looking at you sun) and also being the embodiment of a natural disaster. I guess I can also say that the death planet is beautiful in a way. (If I look past A LOT of things). Not to sound overly poetic but It's a gorgeous bright blue that is similar to our earth’s sky. Big Blue also supposedly has auroras all over the planet. Big Blue is crazy, it's deadly, and most of all it's confusing (Really confusing). But somehow it exists? Somehow this insane planet exists and I think that its beautiful in a sort of murdery way? Phew I am so tired after writing this monster! I’m gonna let you guys go. Stay in school and don’t do drugs kids. Toodaloo!

Works Cited

Howell, E. (2013, August 30). On Giant Blue Alien Planet, It Rains Molten Glass. Retrieved September 19, 2018, from https://www.space.com/22614-blue-alien-planet-glass-rain.html

Loff, S. (2016, October 31). Rains of Terror on Exoplanet HD 189733b. Retrieved September 19, 2018, from https://www.nasa.gov/image-feature/rains-of-terror-on-exoplanet-hd-189733b

NASA. (2017, September) Hubble Focus: Our Amazing Solar System. Retrieved September 19, 2018, https://www.nasa.gov/sites/default/files/atoms/files/hubblefocusouramazingsolarsystem.pdf

All of the images accept for the first one were made mostly by me and a few were a collaboration with my roommate Arite. There is only one image of this planet so I had to be a bit creative this time around.